GeekMan Owner's Manual

Congratulations – you are now the proud owner of the only 6” tall, plastic superhero to sport a pocket protector. With the help of this manual, we will help you tap into your inner Geek, and learn how to take proper care of your GeekMan Action Figure.

GeekMan Origins
Important Considerations of GeekMan Ownership
Activities to Share with your GeekMan
Feeding Instructions
Housing and Habitat
Breeding: Courtship to Copulation
Special Care
The Great Recycling Bin in the Sky
Final Note

GeekMan Origins
In the electrical rumblings and hypnotic winking lights of the early computing machines, the seeds of this creature began to germinate. Carefully nurtured through punch cards and vacuum tubes, the computer geek took hold of the business world, fighting paper files and data inefficiency. Fueled by sugar and caffeine their ranks grew rapidly. First local domination was achieved through computer clubs and gaming parties. Then they began to recruit more to their cause, spreading the word of 1’s and 0’s through phone and data lines, via BBS posts and by electronic mail.

They rose to a height in the late 1990's, when their kind ruled the world like the carnivorous bird-reptiles of old. Tough and wily, they survived the subsequent digital ice age and dot com destruction that rained down, showering the planet with discarded stock options and unwanted AOL cds.

Now they lead the fight to tame and build our digital world. Each of these code warriors carries the codename… GeekMan.

Important Considerations of GeekMan Ownership
As a GeekMan Owner, you join other geeks, closet geeks and geeks-in-training in a sacred trust – the longevity and future prosperity of the geek species. As such, you should be careful not subject GeekMan to any situation or activity that is not befitting a geek of his rank. This includes exposing him to sales presentations for an unreasonably long period of time, selling him for parts, or practicing your surgical skills.

Activities to Share with your GeekMan

Stand-in at meetings
Not excited about the next marketing or engineering meeting? Have a client who sucks your life-force at every encounter? Send in GeekMan as your Geek double. Your colleagues may notice that you’ve shrunk a little, but they’ll also appreciate your sudden ability to listen to all their technical issues.

Decorating Cubes
1 in 87 interior decorators agree: nothing creates an atmosphere quite like your GeekMan. Whether he’s standing watch over your desk and ‘puter, warding off evil by acting as a gargoyle on your monitor, or just hanging out on your walls, he brings his unique brand of elegance and charm to all your surroundings.

Opposite Sex Magnetic Factor
Let’s face it – what attracts the cute women or men more than playing with an action figure? Or, if you’re companion challenged, you can invite GeekMan on a date (it’s better than the imaginary friend you brought last time!) Plus, he’s cute, somewhat cuddly, he’s a cheap date (doesn’t need to eat, and you can sneak him into the movies for free!) and he fits in your back pocket.

Waging Wars and Battles
The terminal junkie from down the hall causing you grief? End users won’t leave you alone? Other toys picking on you? Then sic your GeekMan Action Figure on them. With one glance from his nerdy eyes and the power of his gadgetry, your villains will scamper away in awe and confusion. Or, they’ll think you’re mentally unbalanced, and never bother you again. Either way, you win!

Confessional and Public Speaking Practice
Your GeekMan, due to the fact that he’s entirely composed of inert plastic, is an excellent listener. If you need to confess your sins against technology (such as being forced to install inferior software against your will, or practicing less than ideal coding formatting), GeekMan will listen without judgment. If you need to practice your next technical symposium lecture or engineering presentation, why not practice with GeekMan first? He’ll help you visualize a room full of techies.

Gadget One-Upmanship
Borrow GeekMan’s notebook or handheld for your next meeting. You can tell non-geeks that it’s the latest in electronics engineering – super-ultra-high-density-nanocomputing.

Stress Management
Stress rising? Problems coming out of the woodwork? Assign GeekMan to the task. Instead of asking people to ‘tell it to the hand’, ask them to ‘tell it to GeekMan’. It’s hard to justify arguing with a 6” tall plastic action figure, unless you’re in a straightjacket.

Toying Around
And, why not play with your GeekMan? He’s a toy, after all… most of all, have fun!

Feeding Instructions
Since your GeekMan is entirely made of plastic and devoid of a digestive tract, he doesn’t require any direct carbon-based feed. Instead, GeekMan acquires energy from his owner. To help GeekMan thrive, be sure to include copious amounts of pizza, sushi, junk food, and sugar drinks in your diet.

Housing and Habitat
Like other geeks, GeekMan is happiest when he’s close to advanced technology and new gadgets. He should be kept in surroundings conducive to geek growth – high intelligence and interesting people. Access to natural sunlight is not necessary.

While most at home in server rooms and in basement computer labs, given enough time and encouragement GeekMan has been known to also become acclimatized to cubicles and offices. When introducing GeekMan to a new home, give him time to survey his surroundings.

Breeding: Courtship to Copulation
Like most geeks, GeekMan’s courtship rituals usually begin in computer clubs, college libraries and star trek conventions. The most common form of attention seeking behavior is to approach with geek speak or test the cerebral connection with a question or challenge.

Unfortunately, due to the unknown nature of action figure breeding, we can’t delve into the details of how GeekMan copulates. However, the only certain method of creating cloned offspring of GeekMan is to return to the retail outlet you acquired him from, and request another.

Special Care
As with any precise technical equipment, your GeekMan Action Figure does require some care and attention to keep him in proper working order.

Be aware that most of GeekMan’s muscles are in his head. As such, he can only be subjected to a certain amount of weight (or p.s.i.) before he becomes pancakified. No, he can’t lift small cars, or leap over tall buildings. But he can create a novel machine to catapult cadillacs 400 yards, and devise an algorithm to quickly traverse around tall objects.

Some of the other brawnier superhero action figures may be envious of GeekMan’s grey matter, and may bully and pick on your poor plastic poindexter. Make sure you keep GeekMan’s weapons of wisdom handy so that he can guard against wedgies or being thrown headfirst into garbage cans.

While GeekMan’s intellect is built from hardy stock, in some cases his ego is more fragile. Be sure to give him a pat on the back, and an ‘attaboy’ every once in awhile.

The Great Recycling Bin in the Sky
If, for any reason, GeekMan should end his operational lifespan, please bid him fond farewell and recycle both his package and his body so that his spirit can rest in peace. Visit www.happyworker.com/recycle/ for more information.

Final Note
We at Happy Worker thank you for adopting your GeekMan, and for supporting the propagation of the Geek species. We’re counting on your help in the fight for knowledge and digital goodness.

We wish you and your GeekMan a lifetime of fun and happiness!